Years ago, I walked into Compton Courts District attorneys office and was alarmed by what I saw. It was a wall with pictures of hundreds of women, from varying states, that had been murdered by their significant others. The ages ranged from 13 to 82.
Domestic violence has no color line or socioeconomic status.
Years later, I walked into a murder suicide scene that clearly remains in my mind. When she could no longer tolerate his controlling ways and grew tired of the beatings, she left. After months of building a Nu and happy life in a different city, she agreed to meet him at a public place, deadly mistake... Women, DO NOT do that. No good can come of it.
As we all know, abuse comes in different forms: Verbal, physical, sexual and psychological. And, the perpetrator is 27% times a woman and 73% times a man.
Besides the obvious hitting, if YOU are being told you're ugly, fat, no one else would want YOU, being forced to have sex, being isolated from your family and friends, and the perpetrator governing every single aspect of your life, that IS abuse.
As the book, "Dick and Jane" (A book used in schools in the 70's to teach children to read) said, "Run Jane Run," gurl YOU need to leave. YOU deserve better and YOU are worth so much more than his crash test dummy doll.
I understand it may be difficult financially, for some and YOU may be afraid, because of threats, "If you leave me, I'll kill you," (Which he/she is already doing in a spiritual sense), but develop a plan and get ghost.
Shelters are available, if YOU don't have a friend or relative willing to take YOU in.
Unless YOU know a "Pookie and nem" get a restraining order they help, sometimes. If cops are called regarding a domestic violence matter, they can issue a Temporary restraining order (TRO), which takes effect that very moment, but YOU MUST go to court on the specified date to have it solidified.
NEVER agree to meet him after the fact even if YOU share children. Some are so sick they'll take YOU and the children out. Former NY Nicks, center, Eddie Curry's, girlfriend, a 24 year old woman from Chicago and their 9 month old daughter was murdered in "09" by her ex boyfriend an attorney.
She met the 37 year old attorney when he defended her in a case against Curry for their first child, a 3 year old boy. The young woman and her baby were both shot numerous times after she allowed her ex who she previously had a restraining order against, but had it dropped, into her condo. Her 3 year old son was the witness (Google the story).
Ladies, please don't allow yourself to fall victim to DV, the signs are normally blaring and plainly written: Jealously, possessiveness, name calling, pulling on YOU, "Gurl, I'm jus playn." uh uh, S I G N S
If you find yourself in an abusive situation, Please do yourself a favor and, "Run Jane Run."
When I was 18 yrs old a good friend of mine was shot and killed by her ex-boyfriend as she walked home from the bus stop he had been following her. He then killed himself, all because she no longer wanted to be with him. Wow, after that I was kinda scared of some of these mofo’s.
ReplyDeleteOn another note, I wonder how many women are in these types of situations because they want to be. Some just like the liberty of saying that they have a man and don’t want to be alone, and in turn contribute to the abuse by arguing, fighting, and staying.
One of my relatives was in an violent, abusive relationship. Once, her husband had beat her up and called her all types of Bit**, and I was a witness to it. We scrambled, made arrangements for her to go somewhere else, she packed her clothes and was ready to go. But by the time another relative came to pick us up she had changed her mind and decided to stay.
This incident happened over 20yrs ago and to this day I am still perplexed as to how could anybody stay with someone who just beat their azz like that.
Hi Loretta, thanks for sharing those two heart breaking stories. When someone does such a horrific crime as your friends ex at such a you age, it brings me to the conclusion that DV is a learned behavior. If a boy witnesses abuse, in the home he sometimes becomes an offender and if a girl witnesses it, she sometimes becomes a victim.
ReplyDeleteI shutter to think a woman likes being beaten. I believe that some, like your relative become co-dependent. She could and had somewhere to retreat to, but chose to stay. Those situations make it dangerous for whomever is coming to get her. The offender can and does, at times, with deadly consequence turn on them.
For cops a DV call is one of the most volatile and dangerous call. Because those that were called to protect, sometime become the target.
DV has many victims, not only the person being abused. It also has many long term effects ie; Victim suffering from headaches, broken bones, no self esteem suicidal thoughts etc., As citizens, we need to fight against DV by calling the police and abandoning the, "It's not my buisness" attitude. Victims need to do whatever they can to remove themselves from the situation. Thank you for your comments.